Binge-watching Netflix’s Love is Blind is like eating ice cream so fast you get a brain freeze. There were sweet moments and other moments that made me stop and have an honest conversation with my husband.
Many singles between 25-40 have turned to reality TV love shows in a last-ditch effort to find “their person” and get married. They thought that deserted islands or building connections through a pod would help them find the perfect partner. Once the couples are no longer in their bubble and have to work through day-to-day challenges, they struggle to maintain the spark they developed in the pods.
Effective communication is the key in any successful relationship, especially in marriage. It’s the key ingredient to maintaining a happy and healthy bond. Without it leads to frequent disagreements, distrust, and ultimately a breakdown in the relationship.
Most people believe that the number one reason for divorce is over finances and infidelity, but a report showed that 67% of couples between 30-49 divorce due to a lack of communication.
Keep reading this blog to learn the importance of marriage communication and tips to improve your communication with your spouse.
Why is Marriage Communication Important?
Marriage is under attack and has been for a long time. People have different opinions; some don’t believe in them, some see it as just a contract, and others want to be #marriagegoals. Marriage can and is beautiful but requires work, service, patience, and communication.
For those that want to be a #marriagegoal, are you willing to do what’s necessary to maintain that status til death do you part?
Communicating effectively in your marriage is crucial to its longevity. When your communication in your marriage is good, you improve:
- Intimacy with your spouse
- Your ability to deal with conflicts.
- Finding solutions to problems.
The better you communicate with your spouse, the safer your partner feels sharing their thoughts and feelings. This leads to strengthening your bond, knowing their voice is respected.
Learn Your Style of Communication
One thing my husband and I had to work on and continue to work on is how we communicate with each other. We’ve known each other since we were teens; as we changed, so did our communication. My husband observes more than he says, whereas I say it like I mean it, and I have to remember that there is a time and place to say things.
Every marriage is different, but you can resolve your conflicts once you understand how your partner communicates. Here are four marriage communication styles you need to be aware of:
Assertive Communication Style
You are an assertive communicator when you show confidence in your expression without putting someone else down or taking control of the conversation. When faced with conflicts, you look for solutions and consider how they can affect different perspectives.
Aggressive Communication Style
An aggressive communicator takes over conversations and is demeaning and hostile. The individual typically doesn’t consider the other person’s feelings.
Passive Communication Style
This communication style can come across as someone who will avoid conflict at all costs. You are laid-back by nature and keep your feelings and thoughts to yourself until the s*** hits the fan one day. Once you’ve developed better communication tools, you shouldn’t feel like you’re struggling to express yourself.
Passive-Aggressive Communication Style
You can think of at least one person that communicates passive-aggressively. You know the signs; the individual appears calm about the conflict, then turns around and does sneaky things to stir the pot and get your attention.
Every Positive Has a Negative
The Gottman Institute has identified four negative communication styles people bring into their relationships. Change the dynamic of your relationship by identifying which of the four negative communication styles you’re bringing to the table.
Learn your communication style with this free marriage communication quiz.
Know the Role You’re Playing
Today’s families look significantly different than they did 10-15 years. Women have gained more opportunities in the workforce, and traditional gender roles aren’t so traditional anymore. Men are no longer depicted as the breadwinner and women as the primary caretaker. Confusion about your role at home can undoubtedly lead to heated conversations and miscommunication. So get clear and be honest as you explore new opportunities.
At the beginning of this year, Nerd wallet reported that women own 40% of US businesses, with more boss babes in the field; where does that leave families? How do you split responsibilities or fill the gaps when your spouse is out fulfilling their purpose? It’s a hard conversation to have but a much-needed one.
When I started my entrepreneurial journey, I only had that conversation about who was making dinner once there was a miscommunication. It smacked me like a ton of bricks that although I expressed my desire to change careers, I hadn’t outlined what it would look like for both of us. Once I laid out where I needed extra support from my husband, we were less annoyed with each other.
It was a reminder that you can’t assume your partner knows your needs in areas neither of you has ever experienced. We needed to over-communicate to function as a unit and make this work. It’s exhausting sometimes, but if you’re in it for the long haul, you do what you gotta do!
Marriage Communication Exercises
I’m a spiritual being having a human experience, and I keep the good Lord at the center of my marriage. Mark 10: 9 (NIV) says Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.
One exercise my husband and I recently completed that brought us closer was a 21-day encouragement challenge run by the Christian Non-profit organization Awesome Marriage. It was a creative challenge that pushed us to practice encouraging one another and listening for understanding. The most impactful activities were the Love Language Quiz and the What’s Your Apology Quiz.
Final Thoughts on Effective Marriage Communication
Many will argue that marriage isn’t for them, which may be accurate; however, if you enter into a marriage with the right mindset and an open heart, it can be the most beautiful relationship you will experience.
To improve your marriage communication, you must understand your partner’s communication style, be transparent and honest, be flexible with each other’s needs, and, most importantly, put in the effort. Marriage requires teamwork – marriages have highs and lows, and no two days look alike. It needs constant nurture, so don’t give up!
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